things I need to do today:
shit that isn’t happening today:
did you know my next door neighbors have a drum kit wow how great for them I WiLL MURDER THEM
someone on my dash is getting really into how sexist the new star trek is and I’m so into it
I love pirates because they have no concept on albeism. oh you have no leg? here have a peg leg. no hand?? well guess we gotta put a hook on that, give those sons of bitches a surprise. Blind in one eye, put an eyepatch on no one fucking cares, youre deaf??? go man the canons you glorious bastard.They dont care if youre disabled bcus as long as you can fuck shit up they literally dont fucking care.
yo ladies if any dude ever tries 2 give u shit about anything just remember female tyrannosaurs were 10-30% bigger than males. if a male fucked up 65 million years ago he’d get his head bit off. 65 million years later u can still do the same fuckin thing. be a trex. eat any dude that ever gives u shit.
I don’t remember learning the words to Bohemian Rhapsody, I think I just born knowing them
i have gotten a haircut and now it’s two inches shorter in the back and the front is like five inches shorter and it’s a hell of a lot curlier
i was thinking to myself like maaan the brain is pretty amazing and then i realised it was my brain telling me to think that, what a cocky asshole.
me dad’s a muggle
mam’s a witch
lately i have taken to petting my cat and telling her she’s the prettiest kitty at the ball
casually call people “human” to unsettle them and make them question what sort of being you are
#real talk one time this punk in intro to creative writing tried to psychoanalyze me#and i turned on him and hissed ‘dont presume to know me son of man’#he was accepatably baffled and terrified and i felt powerful and celestial so all was well